Sometimes, when browsing the internet, you can find some gems, and you feel like sharing them with everyone. The following is one of a kind… Here, Charlene Werner is trying to explain how homeopathy (or how to sell water at an insane price) works, demonstrating a totally new understanding of astrophysics and quantum physics…

So, what is wrong with the speech of Charlene Werner?

Actually, the whole thing starts pretty well, when after saying she is going to explain how homeopathy works, she asks people if they know what water is: the talk should have ended here, as homeopathy basically consists in drinking water. But this is not the point, and as she goes on, she starts explaining to her audience some fundamental physics. And everything from then on turns to an unbelievable demonstration of blatant ignorance. I won’t make a complete list of her (horrible) mistakes, I will just focus on the biggest ones…

The Bowling Ball Theory

It only takes Charlene Werner a few seconds to drop the name of Einstein, who as we all know, did a lot for homeopathy. She starts to talk about the mass-energy equivalence, before confusing mass with matter; then she explains that all the mass (understand matter) in the Universe can be consolidated down into the size of a bowling ball… Wow. She just created the densest ball ever of some unknown exotic stuff, avoiding the unavoidable singularity you all know as a black hole. But all this is just the introduction to a revolution.

Later, by using a new mathematical tool of her own, she redefines the properties of a risky operation, multiplication. In the world of Charlene, when you multiply a number by zero, just remove that zero from the equation. Thanks to that wonderful trick, you don’t have to bother about this stupid mass at all. There is also another trick: any number multiplied by itself remains equal to itself, or maybe that just works with 0, 1 and the speed of light, who knows (well, Charlene does, but she won’t explain). In the end, the mass-energy equivalence becomes what you’d call the speed of light-energy equivalence…

This is the Bowling Ball Theory: because you can put the Universe in a bowling ball, mass vanishes – in other words, energy equals the speed of light, to quote the author. And this is only the beginning.

The Cosmic Groove Theory

After being done with the Bowling Ball Theory, Charlene Werner goes on to quantum physics, with the string theory. Fortunately, for the audience to follow her, she reminds them that string theory is essentially the work of the mysterious physicist Stephen Hawkings (of course, she is speaking about Stephen Hawking, who, strangely, has nothing to do with string theory, a mathematical framework developed by many different physicists).

According to “Charlatene” Werner, “Hawkings” discovered other energetic particles with a funky shape, working by vibrations that human ears can pick up (strings are actually one-dimensional oscillating lines – apparently, in the vibrating mind of Charlene, all kinds of oscillations are acoustic waves)! That’s it. Welcome to the freakin’ Twilight Zone. So, if you happen to be in a quiet place, strain your ears, you might hear the Cosmic Groove.

The Final

Now, you are finally going to discover how homeopathy works (really?!!).

Charlene tells us that cells are nothing more than tiny pieces of energy, massless particles called protons, electrons and neutrons (remember, thanks to the Bowling Ball theory, everything becomes massless). So if you thought you were made of flesh and blood (and a lot of other things), think again: we are nothing but energy, and the number the scale in your bathroomÂ indicates is nothing, you don’t weigh anything.

Here lies the secret of homeopathy: being sick has nothing to do with viruses or microbes, it’s only a matter of energy. Your state of energy has changed, and homeopathy will get you back to the previous better state of energy. And guess what the magic ingredient is: water!

Thanks for the enlightenment, Charlene, but I think you got a few things very wrong…

Anyway, even if you don’t agree with Charlene, don’t mess with her: she’ll get revenge, and might throw a homeopathic bowling ball-sized H2O-bomb at you, and it will be so powerful that you’ll be wet.